The Five Phases of Forgiveness

Seeking forgiveness is an integral part of our lives. It is important not only to the person who was hurt, but also to the person who did the hurting. Obtaining forgiveness can be hard though, and yet it is the path that we need to take to undo the hurt that we have caused.

1. Recognition. In order to be forgiven, the first thing that we must do is recognize that we have sinned (Rom 3:23). It all begins with the ability to be completely honest with ourselves. Sure, we realize that we all have issues, things that we need to correct, however it must be more than just a platitude when we take introspection seriously and identify the sin that lies within us. Nosce te ipsum! Know thyself! The path to being forgiven begins with the recognition that we need to be forgiven (John 3:17). Only this way can we begin to mend what is broken within ourselves.

2. Confession. It is said that confession is good for the soul. In our first step we have in essence confessed our sins to ourselves, however there is more to be done. We need to approach the person whom we have injured and apologize to them. In this step we reveal the sin that we have committed, making it apparent. This tears down the edifices that we have built upon that sin such as excuses, justification and deceit. Only when the underlying sin is laid bare can it be addressed.

3. Excision. When we stand in need of forgiveness, it is because we have sinned against someone. We will never deserve to be forgiven if we do not correct our error. We have to address the root of our offense and correct it, or we have not stopped offending yet. Confession can play a part in excision too as confessing your sin to an authority figure or perhaps a good friend who will hold you accountable will help you stay away from the sin that you have committed. Sometimes this can simply mean avoiding the sin in the future (I Thess 5:22).

4. Consequences. Paul said "Whatever a man sows he shall also reap" (Gal 6:7). There will always be consequences for the sin we commit even after we have recognized, confessed and excised that sin. Yes the wage of sin has been paid for us, but this does not obviate the repercussions of the sin that we have committed. It is a hard thing, but we have to accept this burden. The only way to not garner these consequences is to not commit the sin in the first place.

5. Restoration. You can never go back, but you can move forward. Things can never be the way they were, but they can can be better than they are. It's hard to mend broken hearts and trusts, but what is the alternative? Only shattered hearts and broken promises. It takes much more time to rebuild trust than it does to build it in the first place. This is the part of the process where you make things right. Only here is there any redemption and peace.

So far I've addressed forgiveness solely from the side of the one who needs to forgive, but there is also a promise given for those who forgive. Jesus said that God's willingness to forgive you correlates to your willingness to forgive others (Matt 6:14,15). Forgive proactively, don't hold things against people and don't wait for them to come to you before you forgive them. Whenever you are praying, forgiving others needs to be a part of your prayer or you are missing out one aspect of touching God. (Mark 11:25).

Be a generous forgiver and quick to seek forgiveness.

By the way, I apologize for the alliterative title. I hope you can forgive me.